life under siege looking forward breakthrough.

8/3/2011

wordless elation for new hope in Spirit.^last night i again dreamed of my sibling gathered for my broken family. i felt sleepy&got up later than 9am. last night in office i tried to settle family qq emails' interconnection, as the monopoly Chinese portal offers free backup email accounts. but the shit ISP blocked my operation for several times since last weekends, erring too frequent accounts' authentications. download turns normal, first time since the annual congress session, which offered China surveillance a cause to tighten its Internet espionage&blocking, result in lagging surfing days. but they shamelessly blocked my logout google several times, likely trying steal my cookie or keep session alive after i go offline via mirror port on all routers they control. returned to dorm i busy with sorting disk till 9pm then went to bed. yesterday likely a new college class join QRRS, the railway wagon mill, for practise. i casually watched them noisily queued to join the dorm i settled near a year transit to my new family. there is few girl among them, indicating Chinese young population really gender far unbalanced. last night i also buzzed my elder sister in central China many times, attempting to express my delayed sense about their financial pinch, got wired lately when i on way returning to dorm from ditched office, told her i will set paying back her money, amount to ￥3000, as my highest prior in this year. she tried to pacify me&i know the love. today is a bright day, for the sunshine so straight&amazing. God, Asoh Yukiko, u know my past days webless in near 4 months is really a test for my sustainability, and i enjoyed it so far, in the aim to make room for coming affairs that's more important in my agenda or daily workload. i think i can graduate from the camp now. bring me my girls and my lifestyle lavish now, improve my workspace now for the bliss in air i deserve. God, see my situation&shift me to new height facilitates my saint task here, in ur title.

6/3/2011

wonderful Sunday morning.^this dawn dreamed of my old family, including my elder sisters, younger brother's family, gathered for my broken family, trying to make my life alone easier, in my hometown. crows shrieked outside at once i woke up, reminds me sadness in baby son's heart, as he did yesterday when i forced him to return to his mom's house after a night full of pc games harbored in my QRRS dorm, amongst his insisting a second night here in my dorm. he cried again seemingly unreasonable when i broke his watching animation online in his mom's house, in an attempt to fix the poor webTV sofeware Chinese made which unable to save his watching history nor bookmarks. i scorned him, trying to bring into light what really let him so sad in such a casual case and sound day. when i accompanied him with his mom, who leaving to shop for baby's educational gear his school demands, i gabbled about the vitality of one's self-confidence, and the otherside, the unreal outer world like education, work experience heavily exerting competitive burden on any youth, misleading nowadays Chinese kids' lives and expectation on their earthly existence. his mom kept silent during my preach on way to my bus stop. in the night i listened music via my notebook all time, praying gift, a dell game notebook for baby son, and other wishlist while jogging in dorm. baby's enjoyment last night in the tiny room still warm my memory&worldview. God, Asoh Yukiko, u see how pure baby's love in his dad, who trying his best to guard his teenage education as well as spiritual awaking. God, dad, u see all my afforts secured by ur Majesty, shines in dented copper Royal history of new China Empire under title of Zhu's&lives 1109 years ahead after rest, under God's shine. God, i need my second son and third son to descend from Heaven, i need tenderness of my girls' love from noisy crowds. forge us in new horizon in first sunray of Spring dawn, in this year, in this season, on the land. God, show me ur light and enlightenment as usual&forever, God, let now the brilliant sunshine outside since my arrival to baby's bed's side testifies it for the blind minds! God, save my hometown beloved lives in considerable confort, for ur land means hospitable for the blessed, like my sibling' family in central China.

3/3/2011

op phoenx to break sieges.^yesterday dauntingly smooth when i launched to rebuild clean os after found strange behavior on my notebook. since morning planning the operation against China surveillance. in office after work time, i got all patches to os&av&common tools online, all almost finished at same time among especially lagging Internet due to the defensive attitude by China authority for the coming annual congress session. i left office near 8:30pm, gratefully. there were 2 once colleagues worked there overtime. they stayed since the day before yesterday, likely officially assigned to espionage me when the congress session just to open&lots of state forces harnessed all over the territory in fear of rally of protests or revolt gravitate the event. in dorm i continued to sort os&backup, went to bed near 12am, felt so happy through the infectious sniffing of China surveillance jamming the Internet domestic. this morning i first time kept active after breakfast, migrating saved games. my Taiwan friend these days appeared online in my contacts but didn't respond to me when i informed him my remittance, i doubted if our chat blocked asymmetrically by China surveillance or he felt hurt&loathed to befriend me anymore. baby's mom with baby son returned from her hometown journey on Tuesday&buzzed me in the night. i hope in this weekends we enjoy our pastime as usual. God, bring me dell game notebook u promised as my best gift for baby son, warenzh, Hope of China, God of Universe, grant me independent living that anxiousless. Asoh Yukiko, join me sooner and bring my girl Zhou, girl Lü and my Taiwan girl. my life needs new lives now.

1/3/2011

dreamed of passed mother&hometown.^dreamed of my Nankai Univ. alumni on a train to my hometown. one of my cousin, Zhu wusong, help me travel from neighbor village to my past dad's village, Zhudajiu, &very glad to arrive my hometown. got up earlier&ate breakfast. dozed again, dreamed my past mother inquiry my dream, so i reiterated baby&his mom in my dream. then review the heartbreaking farewell scene in movie "under hawthorn trees", doubting the English translation of the protagonist's Chinese name, which only has first name Jing 静秋, never disclosed her family name. the actress, a Zhou, however, i got known from the starring list.

28/2/2011

a day sees peace&fruits.^last week meaningful for sainity of baby's living space: i at least temporarily drove away the sinister younger sister of baby's mom. she slept with baby's mom, as well as baby son, warrenzh, for quite some time recently, like a rat in dirty cave. she also used all her sinful means to seduce baby son for the clif of fell. i tolerated it for weeks, but unable to hold on on last Saturday when she let baby counting down 200 digit to play qq social game online with her. she in fact a dying prostitute&infectious, that out of debate as i spoke out in my previous blog. she in her 20's but still in a drifting life, without a job nor supporting life tools like boyfriend or social circle. she clearly know what a crap she with her life had been&continues to be. but she felt her elder sister's broken marriage can allow her remarks, like leaking egg for flies. i told baby many times how dirty the sister of his mom is, but God let me to break out&drive it away, rather than by baby, who is so green&pure, himslef to shows cold-shoulders to the bitch. the noon when the grandma, a sin herself, cooking fried beef, i refused to dine together. when baby was held by his mom trying to sleep to avoid my blames, i started to name out sins in the distorted relation among the mother&daughters in baby's mom's old family. i blamed baby's mom in fact belongs to her mother or her old family, far from a normal mother nor wife of her own. the little woman soon brought baby son to her workplace to avoid my criticism. i went to public bathroom to shower, while the grandma cleaning her daughter's house. in the shower stream, i felt upset, exhausted, but near the end of shower God summed me up to my sound decision. when i returned the house, baby brought by his mom returned from her school, likely trying to pacify my rages. i told her if she continued messing our baby's bed with insane or sick persons like her cheap kid sister who selling everything everywhere shamelessly, she would facing my sue in court. i told baby China's modern law system all borrowed from US, the land blessed by&obeys to God. i told him he is protected by civil world that disallow abnormal abuse against teenage. his mom didn't refute, so i soon carried baby on shoulders launching to leave her house. i brought my salary bank card&withdrew ￥600 from a nearby bank with baby. a woman in police suite just leaving when we queued to be proceeded. the bank clerk cordially acquainted us when we finished operation. i carried baby on feet to my dorm, for no small changes to pay bus. baby slept on my shoulders half way. he also slept in my dorm first night, after dined in the canteen which also welcomed us warmly. we played pc games lately, then i washed baby's feet with warm water, answered his questions about his past grandpa's legend, &common science. i encouraged him to buzz his mom 3 times before we went to bed near 10pm. even the bed&quilt too small, i didn't suffer cold in the night. baby son reported restless before falling into dream but i senseless upon it for i slept soon in the night. next day i brought him together to bank, trying to remit my Taiwan friend for his old help on my family domains' registry. but banks don't allow overseas transaction in weekends. so we visited my ditched office, trying find funs on the web. the dog in office working there, lately left. i setup online games via google chrome webstore&let baby gamed online awhile. soon baby's mom asked to fetch baby for his music lesson. so we soon left after the office dog left. an once female colleague who brought her son to visit Qiqihar Peace Square near River Nen, both on the other part suburb of the city, met up us on bus stop, sinisterly claimed baby son looks more like his mom. baby's mom squeezed not to allow me enter her house when we arrived, so i left. on way God lets me return to settle 2 games baby son enjoyed on my acer notebook last night. i acted accordingly&returned the house. i migrated the games as well as our saved profile onto the desktop&hasee notebook in baby's mom's house. baby left for music lesson with his mom near 1pm, after wept for compulsory exercise on electronic piano his mom demanded. i surfed there, trying to download more games from web. the grandma join the house later&washing, then left abrupt by threat from her abusively bullying second daughter, who likely accused her for ally against me on the phone. they deserved hell for the downward abnormal family bond&selfishness inside even in kin. baby's mom reconciled after returned with baby, asked me to write back their bill in KFC after baby's music lesson. she said again she will bring baby son join her grandma's birthday next 3 days, let me not to buzz her for cross provincial communication costs additional mobile fees. in the night, i thanked God for the save downturn upset&silent building of sufferings to righteous correction into baby's environment poisoned by enemy of my Royal of China, superficially the sinister sister of his mom's. this morning i woke up later, dozed again after got up. near noon i finished remittance after queued for more than half of an hour. sorted disk&web brower's data after lunch. now its brilliant outside. God, bring my girls sooner, esp. my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, into my life on new horizon. grant me new improved workspace&gift long time anticipated for baby son, a dell game notebook. God, bless me ur Holy message like sun beams in this spring abundant. God!